Last, but not least, and the least shocking, I believe that life is weird.
Through the year, through all of that hard work, I’d finally put down my proverbial sword; and in doing so, it changed the game for me.
Because that’s life after loss, friends. I can have weeks like this; sad days and mad days. I can look back and be filled with the pain of yesterday…and then the moment passes.
I’m sure, at my fourth birthday, my mother couldn’t, nor would ever have wanted, to think of some of the things I’ve been through already. But maybe pushing me to go against the grain at such a young age is part and parcel of how I’ve managed to keep going…
Every “thing” I’ve done relating to his passing (canceling credit cards, turning off his phone, having his car picked up from the dealer…), took the strength of ten men for me to do. They felt like I was betraying him. After the many firsts I’ve had no choice but to experience, doing something like see a piece of the world that he won’t, well it sure fit the bill of betrayal in my heart. Until now…
I’m not an overachiever, ya’ll. I’m simply one parent, doing “all the things.”
Clearly, music has always played a pivotal role in my life. Music can remind me of my best days, and of my worst days, and of all the little and big moments in between. They remind me of days I danced with friends, of days I was lost in my own despair, afternoons riding down the shoreline, riding into adventure, or simply taking the long way home. <3
I couldn’t tell you when my first kiss was. I probably couldn’t tell you the names of my first (or second, or third) boyfriend, but in HD clarity, I remember the first time I ever laid eyes on Kenny Courtney.
I’ve made no bones about my desire to start a career, to build a life. It’s the second most important thing to me; the first being that my kids are living their best lives. Both of these things are evolving far beyond the scope of my expectations two years ago.